ESA and pips assessment one day apart

Hi any comments and advice will be appreciated,
My dad is appointed as my contact, letters and appointments should go to his place. Both pips and esa sent appointment letters to my home address. My dad has been my appointee for at least 3 years, he makes phone calls and contacts whom ever on my behalf. He was here when the postman came and opened the letters but it’s the principal they never get anything right and don’t care if they make mistakes.

I should have had a pips renewal assessment today but they didn’t turn up. My dad phoned an hour later and they said it’s been cancelled and apologised. They acknowledged they had his contact details and should have phoned. They claim it’s up to esa to have it in the system that he is my appointee but they should do as I have said he’s been doing it for 3 years. I now have another appointment on Monday.

Tomorrow I have an esa assessment, last time I was put in the wrag. We never had a letter with a decision I only found out what group I’d been put in when I was called into meet my personal assistant. I was very shocked when my dad explained to me what group I was in. I never go to appointments without my dad, he deals with all my day to day living, pays bills, sorts out what shopping etc. I didn’t ask for a reconsideration as I was mentally ill at the time. I was involved with a police case, just divorced, had a full hip replacement that had exasperated my pain and had left me with my leg longer than the other. I had other problems and was so close to having a break down I just excepted the decision.

I find it so hard to talk about my health conditions which are fibromyalgia, arthritis in my hands, fingers and knees, s1, l4 and l5 discs, I have had a full hip replacement that has left my leg longer than the other, leaving me in a worse state than before, bone spurs in my knees, a cyst in my knee, halo migraines, a hernia, recurrent water infections with kidney pain, anxiety and depression. I have episodes where I’m suicidal. I was diagnosed with tennis elbow on Monday which has really upset me. The depression has been worse for about a month and a half and ive had feelings of suicide on and of during then. The nearest I had to admitting that to the doctor on Monday was to say I’d had enough. He increased the anti depressants. The stress and anxiety over my situation and having to have assessments has also been worse. I have a stress knot in my shoulder that’s driving me insane. I was told to increase the anti anxiety medication. I know I need to tell the assessors what is happening in my life and about my physical and mental health problems but it’s making me feel really ill I don’t like admitting to myself I have all these problems. I don’t go out if I can help it, I don’t like seeing how normal people liv, I do t even go into my daughters school play ground so I don’t have to socialise. I’m worried I’ll cry in public which I did whilst at the shop on Monday .

I’m really worried about getting through the assessment. I could have asked for them to be spread apart more but I would have been in turmoil waiting for the appointments. I’m scared to death after I’ve seen how bad things can go during assessments, assessors being dishonest or writing their opinions and playing down the facts. I struggle with wanting to be well and having to prove I’m ill it’s when I don’t want to be ill.