Peace of mind

"A new assessment would usually take into account your previous history but will be primarily about how you are at the time that it is done."

This is part of the concern I think. Because it's very environmentally based and individualised, things are different now because I am away from environments and interaction that is unsuitable and damaging. That doesn't mean everything isn't still there, so although this is irrational there's a worry about taking for granted how things are. I still struggle and am restless almost all of the time, but this is in my terms day to day so have time and space to handle it. I go out but if I aren't comfortable I come in, there's no requirement, if I am out and it fatigues me I have time to recover, if I'm struggling and Stimming backwards and forwards again I can get out of there, there's no masking.

Have just read about reassessments being changed or not done for conditions where it could have a big impact on wellbeing, is that something relevant?

I do understand how irrational this is btw, but the effect it is having is real, and very similar to situations in my life previously. For example when I was in a JSA situation I would be OK until a week or so before having to go again, then become restless over the next time. In a job situation if I was on holiday halfway through all thoughts would turn to having to go back. Back then I didn't know that this was because those environments were wrong for me, obviously now I recognise it, but that's only through having time and space to process it.

Thanks TheDayToday, think a big part of it is after now getting what I knew was the way to go, and learning and growing so much, it's just the thought of having to go through things again.

Though you are right in the sense that if it wasn't this thoughts would be on something else! OCD and physical Stimming and walking anxiety are issues here too, but it's almost like you take them for granted as now there's no masking or having to "perform". The whole assessment thing was the opposite as you had to go into the "swamp" of flaring up all the things and describing them, whereas away from that the energy has been making things work for me. That doesn't mean "better" or "comfortable" even, it's just real now.

Gordon wrote:

PolaBear wrote: Have just read about reassessments being changed or not done for conditions where it could have a big impact on wellbeing, is that something relevant?

This can happen, but there is no way that I can say whether you would qualify for this or not.

Just because you do not currently experience a particular problem now does not mean that you cannot explain why it would still be a problem if confronted with a situation now. As a sill example; someone with Agoraphobia probably won't have any day to day issues if they don't go out, that doesn't mean that they wouldn't if they did.

Gordon

That's right but as crazy as it sounds you forget how things were with situations and people etc because most of the time you were looking to "mask" it. This then would become depression or anxiety, spent most of my life withdrawn and vulnerable, through school, college and the job situations. Still have flashbacks at times to things, trauma a big co morbid to this. At one time despite living in the same house there was literally no communication between myself and my parents at all, was that withdrawn (selective mutism), this was for years and years.

Can be very hard to describe as it is not black and white, and something very individual.

There is an enormous amount of processing with late diagnosis, and you have presumably been heavily involved in masking which is exhausting... hence the relief!

You should not be contemplating returning to an environment that was damaging to you, assuming you have a formal diagnosis you have some protections from that outcome under the Disabilities Act and Autism Act.