Terrified of WCA - has made me relapse

TW - self harm/eating disorder

Hi

I've been on ESA Support Group since Jan 2016 when I was sectioned for psychotic mania (I'm bipolar type 1)

I had an ESA50 about a year ago, sent it back, and I was left in Support Group with no need for a 'medical'.

I got an ESA50 in late November 2018, filled it in, and sent it recorded delivery together with every shred of evidence I have, including everything related to my section and everything related to more recent issues.

I went manic not long after this, and had two assessments at the CMHT as they were considering a section, but I got out of it with heavy dury sedatives and monitoring. I came down from the mania just after Christmas.

I got a letter last week saying I have to go to a WCA and am in a mess- I've crashed hard and am in a depressive phase which is as bad as the one I had after my section - spent a year in bed, starving myself and refusing all phone calls from concerned friends.

Called Maximus and DWP yesterday, all calls recorded, and sobbed through all of them - these people are sociopaths, as pretty much all of them ended the call when I cried.
I was asking them why they didn't believe my ESA50, and was the supporting evidence not enough?

I've asked to be recorded, and they said they would, but I don't trust them. I asked if I can bring a Walkman and dictaphone to also record, but they said these were not allowed.

I last ate about five days ago, and I'm self harming which I stopped doing in 2017 - been Googling methods of you know what (don't want to trigger anyone here) and current plan is to just not eat anymore until you know what happens

I have the CMHT on 6th Feb (eating disorders guy) and 11th Feb (bipolar guy) - the eating disorders one includes a physical, and he'll see my self harming as I have to strip down to underwear for weight and also heart checks

Part of me hopes that by 21st Feb they'll have sectioned me, to be honest.

What can I do to get out of the WCA? I can guarantee that I'll be a sobbing mess, so frightened that'll be written up as 'un-cooperative' or bad behaviour if I attend

Help!