ESA-too distressed to attend assessment

When i first claimed ESA I was sent an appt letter but when I sent doctors letter and more info they made a decision without seeing me. I sent off my renewal form and things have only got worse as I've had a bereavement on top of everything else (ADD, PTSD, depression, CFS, chronic pain) I was forced to attend a PIP assessment and was so distressed that I self harmed, after which they took away my mobiltiy component and I am £100 a month worse off. I now have an appointment letter for a face to face, practically the center is not easy to get to, I would have to get someone to drive me. Psychologically I am sitting here shaking, been physically sick, and having panic attacks. I'm going to call the center and tell them I'm at my dad's (I was going to go the next day but my friend can take me a day early) and that meanwhile I will write to the dwp, but is there anything else I can do? I'm such a mess, within the last 2 years I've had 2 bereavements, a close friend and then in Nov my aunt who was like a sister to me. My former partner is a narcissist and he left over a year ago and I am still in specialist counselling for narcissistic abuse recovery. I cannot even leave the house uniess I order a taxi (which I can't really afford) and my GP is good but psychiatric support has just passed me from pillar to post, one plae will not see me because of the self harming which I rarely do anyway. No way can I attend a face to face, I'm shaking now.

Hello Lianna
You say your GP is good so get as much support as you can from them. Use your coping techniques if you have any - remember to breathe.
I was raised by a narcissistic mother and I can understand how it has affected you being in a relationship with one. I found several videos on youtube explaining narcissistic behaviour helpful if you did not know about them.
You are going to get through this and you are good enough.

thank you both. I will tell my GP to say I need a paper based assessment, I had a home visit for soemthing else and that was bad enough. I'm actually worried I may be developing agoraphobia and I don't want that to get any worse on top of everything else, aaargh!! I spoke to someone at the center who was actually quite kind, he said they were not allowed to see me at the nearest one as it had stairs (bearing in mind the PIP took away my mobility, seems really odd). He gave me a fax number to give to the doctor and also sent me an sae so I could send a copy directly to the center, but do I also need to sent something to the dwp themselves? My MP is David Simmonds, apparently he's helped vulnerable refugee children so maybe he has a heart! Worth a try anyway! @Becky I'd actually never really heard of NPD and then I was listening to a song on youtube (Jessie Reyes, Shutter Island) which reminded me of the way my ex was, and someone said it was about a narcissist. So I read up on it and it fits him to a T, my counsellor is a specialist and she's seen posts and videos of him and she said Def a narcisisst. Even my close friends don't understand, plus what makes it worse is that he was my first love, who was in and out of my life, then finally he seemed to want to make a proper go of things, at first it was great and then slowly the mask came off. I'd blamed his abusive childhood and the fact that he was a singer and actor and not quite a household name but in the 80s had starred in West End shows. Hope you're doing well, Becky. I'll let everyone know how I get on at the doctors.

hi Bis, I don't have an envelope for the dwp, I assume its the Wolverhampton address on my letters. Saw doctor on Monday but it was a locum, so my usual doctor called me and said he would write a letter of support. Hopefully it will be there by tomorrow. The center told me to get the doctor to fax them, but my surgery said it wasn't nhs policy to fax any more. Ugh.